Wisdom

There is a man in my life that treats me like a queen, which I know I more than deserve. This man wakes up in the morning and makes me coffee and breakfast. He packs my lunch for the work day. This man will defend me in public regardless of who is saying what, I know he is on my side. He will surprise me by buying me random items that I’ve needed for awhile and hadn’t found the time to get. He makes me soup when I am sick and stays to make sure the medicine has done its job. He asks if I am ok when I wake up in the middle of the night. He is the kind of father children dream of, loving, caring, guiding. He is charming and can talk the wall into cuddling if he felt the need. He is the perfect host to our guests making them feel like royalty.


There is also a man in my life that becomes unreasonable and irate when he is upset and I know to stay clear of his path so I don’t get whipped with it. This man also will continue to talk about me to himself when he is upset with me, expecting me not to react. This man doesn’t make money on a regular basis and when angry with me will go out until 3 or 5 or whenever the mood hits him spending hard earned money doing who knows what. I know I am better than this man. This man will call me names and insult my womanhood when he feels justified. He will not go get me ice cream if I feel a sudden craving, citing my health as his concern. This man doesn't kiss me or hug me when he sees me but will try to high-five or just say 'what's up.' He has no problem comparing me to other women, both physically and emotionally.

There are so many questions I can’t wait to get answers to when I have reached an older women status. Will she know what I should have done in these situations?
Does wisdom automatically get handed to the gray headed? Will I care as much by then?

I know and I believe marriage is a forever thing. I also know why most people will make their lists to decide if they should get a divorce or not. This list is never been a determining factor if I stay or not. There is where my questions start to come in. If one person is determined to stick it out regardless of the list of pros and cons, what happens when the other person is always miserable but has no motivation to try to be happy or find the positives? Will they survive? At what point is it too much? When will I get the respect I  know I deserve? After the 18 years you raise your children it is back to the two of you. Your kids will separate from you and who will be your companion? Do you think at that point you've done your part and it's ok to give up and start fresh?

So many questions for her, I anxiously await this wise woman.

Wimp

I am trying to recall the exact moment I became a wimp.

Waking Up

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had been punched in the


side of the head. I look over at my sleeping husband and a memory that

is not mine, but an old memory, comes to mind.



In 1984, my mother had recently found out her husband was cheating on

her while she was at home with the three kids. Since she was exhausted

she fell asleep before she could confront him when he got home. She

woke up to him sleeping, snoring comfortably in bed beside her. She

was so upset over his ability to sleep soundly that she struck him in

the side of the head and then pretended to sleep when he woke to the

blow.



I quickly brushed aside the thought, I've done nothing comparable to

my father and I get myself to work. At work I am taking Tylenol for

the throbbing, I suddenly know why the back of my head has a bump the

size of my palm and is tender to the touch.



Last night I was getting out of the car in the driveway. The driveway

would not exist or survive anywhere there is snow and ice due to it's

steepness. Without fail, as I heave my four month pregnant belly out

of the driver's side door, it inevitably will try to close on me. I

have to balance heaving myself out, standing on two feet, all the

while kicking the door to stay open.



After I accomplish this I am distracted. Across the street is a tiny

house. The kind of house that actually appears smaller than it's

garage. It's been empty a lll summer but this night taking up the

length of the driveway, the sidewalk, and some of the street was a

U-Haul truck. The silly picture was reverted back to me feeling silly,

when the car door, tired of holding itself open against gravity

decided to close. On the back of my head.



I then woke up wondering what I had done to deserve this.

Pregnant and Running(sort of)

For the first month of pregnancy I continued exercising regularly at my gym, not running though since I have already lost one, I did not want to tempt fate. I used the elliptical and bike mostly. Then I got sick, and not pregnant sick, no throwing up. Sick as in sinus issues. And I mean sinus blockage beyond your normal sinus blockage. I haven't been able to breathe in over three months. I am not kidding, at the top of the stairs, I have to consciously breathe. Here I thought this was a automatic bodily function. Not something I would recommend to someone who has an extra 10 pounds on the belly which already is going to tax your lungs, creating nose noise that either whistles or growls. Have you ever heard someone breathing heavy and you are thinking 'God...?!?' Well I have been humbled and will never judge again! I've never had a problem with snoring but in the last three months I have not slept properly even to the point I've woken myself up. Try getting through the day when the night before you are waking up every 20 minutes to pee and every 15 to blow your nose.
Despite having what they call 'rhinitis of pregnancy' I decided I needed to start running again. To be honest, the real wake up call came yesterday when I received my weekly email from one of the pregnancy websites telling me that I was almost half way done! Here I thought I was going to be an active preggo but I am almost half way and have not exercised in a couple of months! So despite having not slept the night before, literally up until 3:30AM, I decided yesterday was the day.
So after starting dinner, I was dressed in my work out clothes. Which are not maternity by the way. So the pants that are normally long on me are high waters and the technical shirt didn't cover my belly. The pants I decided I could live with and I threw a t-shirt over the tech so that I would spare the neighborhood. Turned on Pandora and My Tracks and I was off. Sort of. Here are my stats.
With all my breathing issues I am proud I was able to get the 2.5 miles done in 38 minutes. Mind you, most of it was walking since I was struggling to take individual breaths.
I think tonight I will be bringing a handkerchief to blow my nose since using the t-shirt on your back really is not attractive and quite disgusting once it dries.
All being said, I am excited to be back at it and can only hope for sinus relief soon.

Usually a better view, you can see the CLT skyline normally

Good Afternoon! It is one of those fall days that makes you crave apple picking and a great hoodie to keep you warm in the crisp breeze.

I have officially decided that I will try and keep up with my public blog. I have been blogging on another site for a few years and it has been a sort of outlet for me to speak to noone and to everyone at the same time. I was able to feel as though I was able to get things off my chest with out worrying about The Judgers or The Gossips.

My life has changed significantly though, where I no longer need the invisiable friend that I called on almost daily.

I look forward to meeting up with old friends and meeting new ones and hope I can entertain you with my thoughts. :)

testing app

I'm really not a fan on the mytouch. HUGE fan of android. Just hate touch screen on this one. A friend of mine has sprint's htc, I forget which one, but it's all touch and for some reason I can use that one with no issues.

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